In my last article I talked about how to find aVietnamese girlfor marriage or long term relationship.
Of course thats just the first step. Next youll have to go through the grueling dating phase, and if you do a good job with building attraction, the two of you will eventually start a relationship.
But you need to be aware that dating girls from traditional countries like Vietnam will be far different from the west. Your girlfriend likely had a pretty conservative upbringing, and her parents and extended family will have different values from what youre used to.
And if you never lived in Vietnam or dated a Vietnamese girl before, this will be very difficult waters to navigate. Sadly, many relationships have ended due to trivial cultural misunderstandings. Misunderstandings that could have been solved with the right information or guidance.
But fear not. Ill be able to help you! I have lived in Vietnam for many years and I have lots of experience how the local dating culture works. Furthermore I have had a successful relationship with a Vietnamese girl for over 1,5 years now.
Consequently I have decided to share my knowledge and experience about dating in Vietnam.
Welcome to the ultimate guide for dating a Vietnamese girl!
So you got the number and started talking with a beautiful Vietnamese girl? Thats great! But how should you proceed next?
The first question will likely be about the dating venue. I recommend to just invite her for a coffee. Never invite her for a drink on the first date because that will be awkward for most girls. Most good Vietnamese girls never drink alcohol, and the girls that do drink very little.
In addition, dont take her out for dinner on the first date. This will weed out all the gold diggers who are just looking for a free meal.
In the unlikely event that she dont have a motorbike, the question whether you should pay for her transportation or not may come up. First, its important to understand that most young girls in Vietnam dont earn a lot of money. Were talking $150 to $300 per months. So even a $2 to $5 taxi ride will be quite the expense for her. So if the question comes up, just order her an Uber or Grab. If she insists on getting her own taxi and you pay her back later, politely say no.
Most Vietnamese girls speak limited English, and during the date there could be many language issues. One solution is to use a translation application, for example the popular Google Translate. The added benefit with using a translation application is that you have an excuse to sit next to her, and youll be able to escalate using light touching (AKA Kino).
On the second date its fine to invite her for dinner or even a few drinks. But you should still have control over the venue location. If she really likes you, she should be interested in you, and not the type of venue you take her to. If she asks to be taken to expensive restaurants or bars, politely say no and suggest something else instead.
Also keep in mind that Vietnam is a patriarchal society. Your Vietnamese girlfriend will expect you to to take a leadership role and make most of the final decisions. If you are indecisive or show weakness, she may lose respect for you, resulting in a disastrous relationship. Listen to her needs, make your decisions and follow through!
Finally, most Vietnamese girls are not comfortable with showing affections or feelings in public, for example kissing and hugging. She may even turn her head away if you try to kiss her outside. Therefore public affections will likely be limited to hand holding, especially in the beginning of the relationship.
If her family invites you over for dinner at their house, it means that you guys are having a pretty serious relationship.
At family dinners, its customary to let the eldest family member pick up the chopstick and start eating first. It shows respect. Also, during the meal, feel free to serve food to other people. This shows you are caring and the Vietnamese really appreciate this. Also, when you greet a senior family member, you should bow. To bow is one of the first things Vietnamese parents teach their children!
In addition, never shake hands with older female family members, but its not a disaster if it happens. Likely the handshake will be met with giggles by other family members. But its perfectly fine to shake hands with older male family members.
Finally, youll likely be bombarded with questions about marriage and grandchildren, and this can cause some discomfort if youre not prepared. Just respectfully answer that its still very early in the relationship, and in your home country those important topics are not something that can be rushed. Usually it stops at that.
Now when we talked about dating and relationship advice, lets briefly mention some red flags. With red flags I mean warning signs that she may have other intentions with the relationship, or that shes not relationship material at all:
If the topic of money comes up, walk away immediately. It can be questions about your salary, hinting that she needs money for studies, a new dress or have sick relatives that need expensive surgeries.
If she comes back to your hotel room after the first date, its likely shes not the type of girl for a serious long term relationship. However, if you only looking for a short term fling go for it!
Be very careful if she has a tense relationship with her parents. In Vietnamese culture family is very important, and this could be symptoms of some serious issues thatll eventually spill over in your relationship!
Other warnings signs are excessive alcohol consumption, spending too much time on social media, and excessive jealousy. Though those things shouldnt automatically disqualify a girl its worth to keep them in mind.
The most convenient way to meet Vietnamese girls is using an online dating service. You can sit in the comfort of your own home and talk to hundreds of beautiful girls. The major advantage with online dating is that you dont need to be in Vietnam. You can talk to the girls before your trip, or even invite her to your home country in case you dont want to travel yourself.
But a word of caution. Some girls have made a career out of meeting foreigners online, and I wouldnt consider those girls relationship material. In particular the Tinder app has a lot of those bad girls and gold diggers, and some friends have even stopped using Tinder for those exact reasons.
A far better place to meet Vietnamese girls online is withVietnam Cupid, and thats where I met my current girlfriend. The major difference compared to Tinder is thatVietnam Cupidhas far more traditional, normal girls who are genuinely serious with finding a relationship. In particular with a western guy!
Sign up for free and start talking with Vietnamese girls today!
PS I also have a comprehensive guideHow to Find Vietnamese Women On VietnamCupid.
Did you like this handy guide about dating a Vietnamese girl, you can also check out my other guides onJapanese womenFilipino womenIndonesian girlsandThai girls, as well another piece onSaigon.
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Getting to your site by chance. Im a Vietnamese girl and its quite interesting to read your article.
Its amazed me a lot that what you wrote nearly 100% correct about Vietnamese girls.
I dont know you good sir, but you write an informative article 😉
Thank you so much for giving all that useful informations.
It was a comperehensive article about vietnamese girls.
Thanks for the great article. Im considering doing an early retirement in Vietnam. Im a tall, overweight American man. Im curious how difficult that will make it to date in Vietnam. Obviously being overweight is not seen as desirable in America either but theres lots of overweight girls in America too. From the research Ive done so far there doesnt seem to be too many overweight people in Vietnam. Will that make it difficult for me to date? Thanks for any info!
Now, lets address your question. In my opinion, it all depends what you mean with overweight. If youre obese, yes your dating opportunities will be somewhat limited in Vietnam. Like in any other country around the globe.
With that being said, I have a friend here in Vietnam who is on the heavy side. But not obese. He is doing totally alright with the ladies and has new dates every week.
If you want to know before you move here, I would recommend to put a profile up on VietnamCupid with some good photos of you, and see what types of response youll get. That will give you a good sense how good your dating opportunities will be in Vietnam.
I love to hear some updates from you in the future!
Hi, interesting article. I have been talking to a Vietnamese woman online for months now. We now text video call talk everyday and laugh at each other. I am going to Vietnam soon for our first meet. She is taking a week off work to show me around and wants me to meet her daughter. Which Im fine with. She is a career woman and is not going anywhere, so I have no concerned regarding her intentions. She is very honest so far and even said when we spend time together being a man you should take the lead. Any advice on the week ahead.? I do expect to hold her hand at some point, not sure on leaning in for a kiss though maybe a couple of days in, if were getting on great.
First, thanks for your comment. From the looks of it, things seems to be going great. But keep an eye out for red flags, for example if she brings up the topic of money a lot, or is pushy about moving to your country.
The girls here do expect you to lead. But lead doesnt mean you should ignore her. Make the final decision after listening to her opinions. And most importantly, do not change your decision after its been made.
Viet girls are totally ok holding hands in public. Though public kissing are usually not ok for the more traditional girls. To be on the safe side, try ta get the first kiss in a more more secluded area.
Hope it will help. And do post an update here later!
Update for you. My week went well. We were holding hands by the second day. Kisses by the third and the rest by the 4th. Which surprised me, As she originally said that can only do that if she is in love with that person. The L word was never brought up and I didnt question it either. We got on so well, had two days spending with the daughter too. It all went great in the end she wasnt conscious of kissing in public. She took me to the airport and hug and kissed me goodbye. We are going to try and make it work, so Im back out there next month. This time for 10 days. She seems very appreciative that Im making the Effort and doing overtime to get extra days off work. She has also suggested that when her sister moves out that I can use her Spare room in the new year. I just hope she has the will power not to give in. I retire in ten years but can do it in 5 but pension would be halved. Still its a long way off. She likes a man with a little belly and want me to put on little weight. Lol never heard that before, that be difficult as I like to keep fit and eat healthy.
Sounds like things went great. I wouldnt worry about the weight comment. Just ignore it, since it can be a way to see if she can control you. Just continue hitting the gym and eat healthy like before.
Hey Chris. Like I wrote in this article, I recommendVietnam Cupid
I was wondering if you happen to know anything about gay dating in VN. I have been talking to a girl in VN for a few weeks now and she has mentioned that she plans to move to the US in the next year because she wants to live a normal life with her wife one day. It seems she doesnt get along very well with her parents which I know you said is a red flag but I wonder if it is still a red flag with her being more outside of the traditional VN woman. Any advice is very welcome!
No, I have no experience about the gay dating scene here in Vietnam. And yeah, in a country like Vietnam where the family is so very important, not having a good relationship with your parents is a huge red flag. However, in this particular case it could be because she is gay.
To know for sure, you guys should meet up to see if things click.
Your red flags are the same in other asian countries, such as Thailand. And they must be taken seriously !
Though at this point I am too old to impress just about any lady, much less a young lady even though a pretty lady has always been in my eye.
Thanks Bruce. I appreciate your nice comment 🙂
I love Viet girls but the dating culture here is way too slow. 1 or 2 awkward coffee dates and then dinner and then this and that while shes juggling other guys. I move pretty quickly and expect more casual datingsomething that is better in Thailand or the Philippines. 3 dates is way too much for me and that can easily be the norm in Saigon unless shes one of the few liberated types who isnt a prude in the city.
Another thing is the motive of these girls to chase foreigners. They seem to be holding out for a big fish, an idealistic image they have in their heads. I had one girl kept fixating on the UK and only insisted on meeting guys from England. I had another try and extract info from me on where her kid can get free education abroad in EU or America while we were having drinks.
Its a very annoying process esp if you have a business to run and have to pencil in 50 first dates where girls put up this contrived ultra shy act over the course of an hour at Highlands.
Id skip Vietnam if you are short on timebecause to get a quality girl here you need time and money. And Im selfish with both.
Its totally true that dating here takes time and patience. Vietnam is the right place if you want a great girl for a long term relationship.
However, if youre looking for casual fun, Thailand and the Philippines are way better as you correctly point out.
And there for sure are some foreign chasers in this country. However they should be easy to filter out after just one date. Where do you meet these girls? Tinder and the clubs seem to be where most of them hang out.
But I dont agree you need a lot of money to date girls here. Normal Viet girls are totally fine with just cheap coffee dates. If shes pushing for expensive dinner places, politely push back or drop her for someone else.
Ive met some Vietnamese women through a dating site. What has been written about them appears to be true. Things are going quite well with one of them. Im thinking to visit her and see other parts of the country in early 2019.
It makes sense to have a plan B, in case the chemistry just isnt there. So in addition to seeing her, Ive found what looks like a reputable marriage agency that does a lot of pre-screening.
They have a questionaire to fill out. There are questions about how much I could offer for a dowry, and how much I could spend on a wedding. Im able to spend quite a bit, but want to list a decent but not extravagant number. I dont want future expectations to be too high. What are typical numbers for a girl with a college education and regular job?
Thanks for your reply. I am happy to hear things are going well with your girl.
But that marriage agency sounds sketchy. I would instead try VietnamCupid where you have much more control over the girls you meet.
Anyway, I have a friend who just got married to a college educated girl. And he told me he spent a total of $3k on his wedding.
The way I described things about that agency wasnt the best. Im inclined to think they are legit and making a real attempt to provide good matches, and to keep women with unrealistic or wrong goals out. Of course, Ill be very cautious.
Ill continue working the dating sites as well. Ive been using a smaller site to get used to screening girls without the volume being overwhelming, but will be joining Vietnam Cupid soon.
Had another video chat with my girl this morning. She is so heart-melting sweet. Verbal communication is slow and challenging, but we communicate very well via text without using translation.
Cool. Let us know how its going with your Viet girl! 🙂
I am 63 how do Viet women like older men? I dont mean young girls but maybe mid thirties up to mid forties
Absolutely! I am 18 years older than my girlfriend. And I have friends in their 50s dating viet girls in their 20s.
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